Currently: 3:11 AM, Sex and the City playing behind my computer and three blankets wrapped around me making my couch 10x more comfortable than it already is.
Carrie Bradshaw just said: I’m having a very strong reaction to all this change. And I feel like I could have never related more.
I decided to pick up my computer after I gave myself an hour of trying to fall back asleep. It should be a book, I know. But I was more in the mood to write. We’ve got a lot going on these next couple of weeks and I feel like I can’t get a grip on all the change.
Let me explain.
We were headed for NYC last night, but something came up and sometimes things are more important than a trip to your favorite city. It’ll always be there, you know, for you to go back to. So my content for the next few days has changed – which don’t get me wrong, is fine. Because it could be a lot worse. And it’s not. (Always count your blessings).
We are also looking for an apartment because our lease is up VERY soon. We aren’t staying were we are now for a few reasons, and we haven’t found one that we love yet. We haven’t found one that we even kind of like yet, actually. I know it sounds picky, but it’s our home. I need to be able to love (or like, a lot) the home I’m coming back to every night. Right?
It’s a tough gamble, the whole apartment hunting situation.
Then, we have a trip booked in February that CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH. We will be laying on the beach with family and I am actually – literally – counting down the days. Going away in the middle of winter over here in the East Coast is almost mandatory. I need it. That vitamin D is so lost!
That trip happens fall on the exact week when we need to be up and out of our apartment.
So, we will be moving out a week earlier than planned now (insert stress levels here).
I haven’t found the best way to deal with stress and panic, as you guys know. I’m still learning how to handle change and everything that comes along with it. Life is… hard? For all of us at times. I mean, there are moments where you can’t control anything and that’s that. Having a huge issue with feeling like I need to control things (that’s where a lot of my anxiety comes from) doesn’t make situations with change in them that easy for me. Are you guys like this?
Trying to embrace all of the change happening is a learning process. It isn’t something that has come easy to me at all, but I’m trying. I’m trying in a sense that I’m looking at things differently. That once the changes are made, things will be fine. Maybe not right away, maybe there will be an adjustment period but it will be fine. Maybe even better than it is now. Maybe the change will make me better as a person, overall.
Learning to open my calendar and cancel collaborations and change content when something more important comes up is a good learning process. It’s a step in the right direction. It forces me to be more creative. It shows me who is important and why. It opens my eyes in a way.
Looking for an apartment and cringing at most of them (sorry) is showing me what I want in a home and what I don’t. It’s a growing process too, something to teach me more about myself and what makes my home my home.
Changes in my career are happening and it’s more than scary, it’s horrifying. It’s so exciting at the same time though. I have no idea where I will be next year, do you? Things are changing so fast that I can’t wrap my head around it right now. The “where do you see yourself in five years” question gets me panicked, because I have NO idea. I’m more of a ‘let’s do this right now and see what happens’ type of girl instead of a ‘let’s plan out our life’ type of girl, you know?
All I can really do right now is embrace it. So that’s what I’m doing. That’s all any of us can really do, because we only have so much control in life (panic, again). You just kind of have to roll with it, let the change do it’s thing and see where it takes you.
Being uncomfortable for a little is sometimes a good thing, it can really force you to be better at whatever it is you are trying to do.
How are you guys handling change? Any tips?